A lot of us go through this.

Life happens, or as I say “Life lifes you” and then you change.

We are all humans having a human experience here to learn and grow. Some of us get a job that we just love and that’s that, stay there until retirement and then deal silently with the hole in your heart that part of your identity leaves behind.

Some of us think we are in the career we want, and then “life lifes us” and you realize you are in the career YOU thought “everyone else” thought you should have.

You forgot what you actually wanted to do before you got swept up in the race.

You get caught up in the matrix, job-married-kids-house-goldendoodle-childcare expenses.

You run an actual marathon from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed.

Wake up after snoozing the alarm 5 times-coffee-wake up kids-make lunches-get kids ready to get out the door-take 15 minutes for yourself to look presentable-drive kids to school-race back to your computer-work all day-pick up kids-get them home, feed them they are STARVING-get ready for sports-go to sports- fight with your kids over taking showers/baths- take 2 hours or more getting them to go to sleep or convincing them to sleep in their own rooms until you give up and let them sleep in yours- Finally get a moment to yourself to maybe watch TV but it’s now 11:00pm and your alarm is set for 5:30am to start it all over again. Notice I didn’t have time to eat?

Take a deep breath in, now exhale.

And those days when the kids get sick and you have to scramble between being there for them-taking them to the doctor-working from home- taking a call even though one of them is puking in the bathroom. NERVOUS SYSTEM OVERLOAD.

Do you ever just stop and ask- Why are we doing this?

Then you get a cancer diagnosis.

In Tarot we call this the Tower moment. Some decks even show a woman literally being thrown from the top of a tower.

Now we have to run that Marathon and fight this?

Now is when you understand what the term “good support system” actually means when you get asked if you have one.

You energetically “wake up!” and realize that the Marathon was never sustainable. But for me, I had to be thrown from The Tower to figure that out the hard way.

Time to change the circumstances.

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To read more stories like these, subscribe to my Substack and watch for news regarding my forthcoming book The Karma of Cancer.

Photo credit Chris Nemeth.

As an American I got started watching cycling by watching Netflix’s Tour de France Unchained series. I was always a fan of the Tour de France and thought this would be the perfect distraction show to learn more behind the scenes. I soon found myself clinging to lives of these pro cyclists and what they physically and mentally have to endure to even participate in the sport.

When I started my 8 rounds of chemo, I was suddenly drawing a lot of parallels to how the cancer fight works with a how a pro cycling team functions. There’s the patient, or the GC rider. The Lead Out- my husband, who had to take the brunt of all the information and trauma thrown at us just so I could get to the finish line. The other Domestiques which were my parents, in-laws, siblings, friends bringing me food, nourishment, child care help, and moral support. In the team cars are the Sports Directors- my Breast Surgeon and Oncologist. The rest of the behind the scenes crew are the nurses, pathologists, social workers, patient navigators, the admin taking my co-pays and scheduling my appointments. The Sponsors- the drug companies, health insurance carriers, in other words- the money.

But then I would learn about the crashes, and the brutal injuries cyclists like Jonas Vinegeaard Hansen and Wout van Art suffered and were forever mentally (and perhaps spiritually) changed by. Their new perspectives on life so different from those around them who hadn’t experienced what they had. That was me. It was my inspiration. To be able to come back to life changed, but stronger with a better sense of what is actually important in life. It turned me into the ultimate Team Visma Lease a Bike fan because I wanted to see these athletes win.

Wout van Art just treated us to one of those inspirational victories at this year’s Paris-Roubaix against the one and only Tadej Pogacar. The genuine emotion, joy, and astonishment he showed us- that’s the type of feeling you wish you could bottle up to feel again another time. The true joy of accomplishment.

Today in Stage 2 of the Giro d’Italia there was a terrible crash and it’s not yet known how all those involved are doing. I watched Jonas Vinegeaard escape it and then take the lead and I couldn’t help but wonder, is he controlling the pace of the descents on those wet mountain roads to keep everyone safe? It didn’t look like he was just trying to win, it looked like he was trying to prevent another crash.

That does happen to those of us who come back from injury, cancer, or chronic illness. You see your responsibility to those around you almost like a calling a times, a way to give back and this brings me to why I’m starting this Substack.

When I get a download of inspiration- whatever the topic- I’m going to share it here in hopes that someone reading it receives a message they really needed that day.